Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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