U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
