ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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