Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
