highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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