i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
