Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
