he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
