he shaved USA in his pubs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
