Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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