At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
