So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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