turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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