He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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