I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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