What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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