Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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