Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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