Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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