Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
