Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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