the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
there is glitter all over my balls
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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