she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
