did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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