Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
