TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
