Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My hand turned me down
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
