Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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