Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
