Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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