Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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