.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
