Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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