So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
