god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize