i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
