I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize