My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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