You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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