I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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