Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's like iHOP with fire
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
