I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
