Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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