Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
