this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
