I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
