I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
