she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize