U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
