Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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