She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
