ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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