My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
