look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just blew my weed a kiss
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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