I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
