sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
