I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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