just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize