I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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