I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
