I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
